I don't really understand your objection - what is it about a cousin, say, knowing they're your cousin a week or so before you know that troubles you so much?
Please note I'm not saying I disagree, I'm simply asking if you can elucidate the problem further.
The same sort of thing happens to non-adoptees all the time - one's cousins who do family history research may know decades before you that they are your [near] relative.
Aside, it's also interesting WRT privacy of sperm/egg donors. I recently commented in a thread (on Reddit I think) that an egg donor should be aware that it may be quite likely, even if not presently possible, for the child to trace them [the biological mother in that instance] in the future either due to tech or legal changes. This was flatly dismissed as an impossibility; little was I to know it might already be quite possible [in the sense of being attainable by the general public].
1) I don't even have access to my own information at this point. It's like if the doctor were to post a picture of your newborn baby on FB without your permission before you got to hold it.
2) The accuracy of 23andme's ancestry information is suspect. They think we might be related based on vague data. And again, the other people have this vague data before I do.
3) Finally, there is medical information attached to my account. For instance, maybe I have a normal risk of prostate cancer. Now 23andme decides that I'm related to Joe (true or not), and Joe has a super high risk of prostate cancer. What inferences can be drawn about that? What if this kind of data is shared with a third party -- again, without my knowledge -- and that third party can use that against me somehow? (Insurance, whatever.) I'm not okay with that.
In the end, it's the opaqueness of this process. If 23andme wants to say "Hey, we're not 100% done with your ancestry results, but we found a few people we think might be matches" at the same time they say the same thing to the other people, then that would be okay. But at the time, I was getting requests from alleged relatives that I had no way of knowing they were alleged relatives until 23andme gives me my results.
In other words, these other people -- strangers! -- knew something about me that I hadn't yet found out myself, when it should have been made available to me at the same time.
Please note I'm not saying I disagree, I'm simply asking if you can elucidate the problem further.
The same sort of thing happens to non-adoptees all the time - one's cousins who do family history research may know decades before you that they are your [near] relative.
Aside, it's also interesting WRT privacy of sperm/egg donors. I recently commented in a thread (on Reddit I think) that an egg donor should be aware that it may be quite likely, even if not presently possible, for the child to trace them [the biological mother in that instance] in the future either due to tech or legal changes. This was flatly dismissed as an impossibility; little was I to know it might already be quite possible [in the sense of being attainable by the general public].