100% the same and I agree. getting fired and being worried that my next decision will get me fired has caused me all kinds of anxiety issues.
I recently decided that given my personality I'm not well suited to working as an employee for an employer and have gone solo. I don't want to feel like a victim to bad management or that my future and personal worth are tied to a single company as good/bad as they may be. I want my efforts properly remunerated, I want my reputation to speak for itself.
So while these traits may make you less hirable as an office worker, they may make you more hirable as an expensive contractor.
I feel the same way. I jumped ship once but didn't have enough savings to ride it out. Getting independent work without a track record was extremely difficult.
Looking back, I think most people going solo start as contractors and also diligently save at least a half year living expenses before hand.
I've begun saving but it's slow going and I'm getting impatient. I greatly enjoy the feeling of making my own destiny and having employees to care for, the idea doesn't scare me as much as it seems to bother most people.
In a position of leadership it's possible to build your own little utopia. It was a great feeling to build a bubble in a world that's usually shit, where a lucky few actually enjoyed their work and each other's company. Alas that opportunity has passed and it's nigh impossible to go from the job title developer to manager without climbing a ladder for years and brown-nosing.
Anyways, how do you recommend getting started? Like most career devs my company has me locked down with contracts so the usual advice of starting a side business isn't possible.
^^^ I reached exactly the same epiphany, if you can call it that, about 3 years ago now. It might change someday but I can't be an employee any more. I just can't. I can't tolerate the idea of having so much of my time sucked up on something that offers so relatively little in the way of return. And I cannot cede my future to management any more; I have to own responsibility for it because, honestly, there's only so much future left for me (or for any of us).
I recently decided that given my personality I'm not well suited to working as an employee for an employer and have gone solo. I don't want to feel like a victim to bad management or that my future and personal worth are tied to a single company as good/bad as they may be. I want my efforts properly remunerated, I want my reputation to speak for itself.
So while these traits may make you less hirable as an office worker, they may make you more hirable as an expensive contractor.